…..A year later

Diary with the handwritten text, Surprise me 2019.

Yes, I am back to blog here a year later.. and in this past year I’ve become a mom for the 2nd time to a little baby boy! He is 4 months now and I think I am getting a grip of how to handle life as a mother of 2. Hopefully this year I will find time to use this blog for reflection as I planned on back in 2017. Obviously 2018 was a year filled with a lot of thoughts and feelings but I didn’t find the space and time to sit down and sort them out.


We are already 9 days into 2019 and I hope everybody had a great start on the year. I planned that this was the year I wouldn’t hope for anything, I’ll just try to take 2019 as it is. In case I am sounding negative, I want to point out that it’s not so much coming from a negative point of view but more a thought of preventing disappointment. If you expect something and it doesn’t happen, you will be bummed out and be very discouraged, so instead of giving 2019 the possibility of disappointing you, you give 2019 the chance to surprise you.

Surprise me twenty-nineteen!



A very merry Christmas!

This December has been hectic. Almost every day this month I have thought, today I am going to write something on the blog. But when it came to finding the time to do it, I couldn’t.

Since mid-November, I’ve been running around to find the perfect gift for all the children in our family… that’s about 16 children or so. In mid-December, I could finally consider myself finished. Having a big family requires time and effort, and every year I think to myself that next year I should start buying the gifts earlier, and this year I actually made it. And I am so glad that this was the year I made it because my husband had a health issue mid December and suddenly most of last week turned out to consist of hospital visits and taking care of everything that normally depended on both him and me. He was hospitalized a couple of days, and then he was sent home but he was put on bed rest with a lot of heavy pills, so he could not do anything other than sleeping and resting.

It was so sudden and for a little while there, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, but somehow it felt right. It made me think of a lot of things. Among other things I realized that it reminded me of how deep the love for my partner has grown through every single day of our relationship. The vows we made to each other at our marriage, “through sickness and in health” became real.. His health issues are not unrecoverable so it’s not the worst that could happen to someone, and I know there are so many people going through worse and unimaginable pain, but this little incident still made me feel and think about those things. It was kind of a reality check for me to keep the promise I made at my wedding, and it felt good that I didn’t keep it because of the feeling that I haveto keep it. I didn’t feel that I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders because he put them there. No, I actually felt that I freely carried that weight for him, because we’re in this together! Nothing mattered to me other than being by his side.

This incident showed me that tough times are needed to feel what is really important to you.. and for me that is, to love and to be loved.

Christmas is all about love. Spread love around you this christmas ❤️

Merry Christmas!

Dig deeper!

Have you ever felt so exhausted that you don’t know if you have the energy to handle it? You just wanna run away from the problems? Well, I’ve felt like that lately and that have silenced me from posting anything, I was thinking how can I send some positivity out in the world, when I am struggling to have faith myself.

But then I remembered my commitment that I just have to write whatever comes to my mind even if it’s not perfect. I have to carry out my commitment, so I am writing this post.

I’ve been feeling a little lost, I don’t know what the future looks like, and I am a person who needs a plan. But I think I am learning to accept that I just have to rely on God and what’s meant to be because I am only human and I can’t know everything. So to survive it all, I have to dig deeper not into myself but into the faith that everything happens for a reason and into the faith that  God is in control and He has a plan for my life that I don’t see. I am digging deeper to find the strength to stay in the storm and not run away because deep inside I know all of this is happening for a reason even though I can’t see the result. I am digging deeper to see it through!

We don’t grow when things are easy… We grow when we face challenges!

So before giving up, give it one more chance. Try to dig a little deeper and see if you find the strength to see whatever it is through. Maybe there is a reason why you are going through whatever you are going through, maybe there is something good on the other side of the storm… you’ll never know if you don’t see it through!

The Glass is Overflowing!

In some periods of life it feels like you’ve got so much going on that you can barely breath.. 

I’ve been dealing with these issues that made me wanna have faith that everything happens for a reason. It felt like that faith kept me going and helped me keep my head over the water. But now, I feel like I am drowning.. 

Every person has an individual amount of capacity for things going on in life at the same time. And in my case that capacity is a glass. I already felt like my glass was full, but now, just now, the glass is overflowing. 

I’m not sure what to do, my calm and peace that I had last week just ran away and “The Why” entered with a bang! I feel like screaming to the heavens, “God, didn’t I have enough on my plate?”

Last week I bragged about how I had changed my mindset to having faith, because even though I felt like walking through a storm I was happy somehow in my heart. But now – I, a weak human being, let “The Why” jump in and take over my mind. 

Right now, I feel that I am the only person who gives advice that I can’t follow myself, but this happens to everybody I guess.

Sometimes we figure out something, but it takes time and practice to be really good at it. Nobody is perfect, we can only try to be better at our flaws. Nobody can change in a day, it’s a work in progress. I am a work in progress and even though my glass is overflowing, I will try to remind myself to have faith and accept that I may fail. I’ll just have to keep trying and trying till I succeed.

Keep trying !

Simply, Sam.


The last 2 weeks I have been thinking alot about faith, because I suddenly felt changes in my mindset. Maybe my mindset have been changing for a while now, due to things that are happening and has happend in my life. It has resulted in an on-going process of self-realization, but just now these last 2 weeks have made me realize that this process has released some positive energy in and around me.

When I’ve struggled with problems in life before, big or small, I’ve always thought to myself «Why am I going through this? Why is God letting me go through this? Did I do something wrong to deserve this? » 

I’ve never understood the reason of a struggle until I would reach the end of the phase and see the bigger picture from a birds eyeview. I would then realise why it all happend and how the struggles resulted in positive things for example good lessons. Even though I would realise that it all happened for a reason, I never kept the lesson of having faith whole-heartedly. 

I would go through the same doubtfullness, “the why”, every time a new struggle came crashing into my life. Even if I knew that everything happens for a reason, my mind would still want to know why. It was difficult for me to accept the situation that I had to have faith that everything happens for a reason, but that I couldn’t be wise enough to see the reason yet. 

It was a battle between the heart and mind and usually my mind speaks louder than my heart. My mind doubted everything even though my heart knew somewhere deep down that the outcome would be good. 

The last 2 weeks I’ve been going through some stuff which would normally make me feel very doubtful, down and depressed. “The Why” would have approached my mind and made me feel totally paralyzed and hopeless, but instead my mind and heart responded positively to “The Why”. The immediate respons was “I know something good is going to happen now.. this is all happening for a good reason”. 

Thinking about it I feel like my mind truly has accepted that I cannot see the bigger picture, but that I have to trust that this is not happening to harm me and that the outcome will make me happy. The idea that life has something better in store for me.

I would say my heart spoke louder than my mind this time, which resulted in me developing another level of faith in the greater good, true faith that everything happens for a reason. It is the idea that no matter how good or how painful the things you go through are, they teach us something, something that will reveal itself to us at some point. There may be very unpleasant lessons but they are lessons nonetheless. 

Situations where you yourself are the one that’ve made mistakes and created struggles are the worst, because you fill yourself with remorse and regret that you could have changed it. Your mind will tell you that you could have avoided it and fill you with nothing but hatred towards yourself. In a situation like this you have no other choice than have faith that it is happening for a reason and would have happened no matter what. 

If we always remind ourselves that things happen for a reason and everything will work out fine in the end, our respond to the bad things will change and we will feel more relaxed and at peace. In the end it will define the quality of life.

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.” 

– John Mayer

You can survive anything as long as you decide to hang on to the faith that everything happens for a reason. It may be difficult and you may not be sure of the reason or what the future holds for you but it might be and can be great! 

Take a step back and think about it, maybe there is a reason that you ended up reading my post! 

Simply, Sam! 


So this is my very first blog post on this site, and yes that means this is not my first blog. I am like this kinda person that has always had the urge to voice out my thoughts to this world and every time I tried to do it, I felt it wasn’t good enough.

I started comparing myself to others and felt like I wasn’t good enough to blog.

So since comparison has been a big part of my journey for blogging I thought about sharing something about that. Every human being is born with a competitive spirit, some more than others of course but everybody has it in them and that results in comparing ourselves to others.

We compare ourselves to other people we think are in the same situation as us. 

E.g. you see a couple having a coffee date at the local coffee place and you are suddenly comparing your relationship with those strangers because they are obviously having a more loving relationship than you and your partner. 

In kindergarten you compare yourself to a mother who is picking up her kid and she seems so relaxed, she is looking really good and here you are, making your daughter hurry and you look like shit because you were in a rush this morning and didn’t have time to wear makeup, and now you feel like an awful mother because you are not as good as her, who seems to have it all together.

We constantly compare ourselves to others in our own social circle and social media is a good helper for our competitive instinct to have its way and make us miserable. We see people post about their perfect lives and that makes us feel like we have this shitty life while everybody else is living life to the fullest. The truth is nobody has got that perfect life, that we are all yearning for, but we all are very good at displaying our lives as perfect by only choosing to show the world the best parts of our lives.

Think about it! We are only making ourselves miserable by focusing on other people and their lives, because everybody has their own problems and every person lives their life under different circumstances that we know nothing about. We should focus on ourselves, happiness does not come from comparing and trying to be or have something you are not and do not have. Sometimes we are happy with ourselves and our lives until we see that somebody else is living a «better» life.  The comparison takes away our peace and thankfulness for what we are, what we have and how far we’ve come.

Stop comparing and live life, that’s what I am trying to do with this blog. I’ll try to write every post without thinking about what people will think about my post.